Hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven

Wow. I haven’t blogged in a while. Can’t believe the last post was about me being excited there’s only one week of high school left, and now I’m in the third week of the Winter Quarter in college. Holy moly. Where has the time gone?

So much has happened. I can’t even begin to summarize what’s happened; it’s really nearly impossible to talk about eight months in one tiny post. Oh, Happy New Years everyone. It’s 2011.

I’ve been pretty down lately, thinking life is just horrible and locking myself in my tiny dorm room. Because my roommates are rarely in, I have the whole room to myself most of the time. I feel like a vampire when I finally walk out after long hours of staring at my computer screen. It’s the life of an antisocial hermit, but I don’t really care sometimes. It’s easier hanging out with my computer than it is with people sometimes.

I wish that anyone whom I deem as friend would come and find me after noticing I’ve been missing for awhile, but no one’s done that. Instead, they’ve gone and done events I don’t even hear about until days later, and that slightly pisses me off. I guess every human being wants someone special to just visit first without having to reach out, yet it’s not going to happen that way. After straightening out some points in life and regaining my composure under my mom’s ‘once-in-a-while’ lesson life, I feel a lot better now.

There’s many more people out there who’s way off than me. I’m pretty sure many of you have already heard this saying and it’s getting quite grating, but I think of some of the problems my friends have and I actually feel better about myself. I’m not one to tell others my problems willingly because I don’t think they’re important enough for people to know or that no one really wants to know what’s going on in my life, so I just let everything slide. It always ends up with me bottling my thoughts up or forgetting about them, because all I want is someone to ask me first so I can find a chance to open up, but no one’s ever really asked. Then again, what can one ask when I give no hint to what they should be asking?

I learnt: there’s no point in trying to change others or expect others to return when you give, because in that you become unhappy when people don’t give back. Giving is supposed to be generous and happy, and asking for reciprocation is never part of the deal. I can’t change those around me, even the ones closest, but I can change myself to adapt and feel better. I can’t ask others to give me attention and items, but I can choose to give others what I want. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll surprisingly get something when I least expect it.

College equals an explosion of drama. Seriously. I think I went through a drama period, but now it’s mellowed down. I’ve always thought love stems from meeting the very special Mr./Ms. Right, but that’s not the case. Proximity brings the heart together, and from that erupts fireworks of emotions and feelings. I’ve felt them myself too.

I tried getting to him, but I didn’t think it was working. I was so confused and emotionally-flustered in the head and heart that I had no idea what’s going on anymore. Then I missed him when we parted in body, and now I forget him when I see him again. I’ve calmed down, thought things over, and believed I moved on. But with so many relationships going on around, I begin to re-evaluate what I want and how I feel about him again.

I don’t hate him. I don’t know if I love him, but I’m comfortable talking to him. I don’t normally want to tell others about myself or my problems, but with him I have an urge. I like how, after not speaking for a long time, we can still communicate easily with each other and act like we care. Maybe it’s the relationship and status we hold, but it feels nice. It really does. I have a feeling nothing’s going to happen, but I should use the time now to let him know me and–hopefully–for me to understand him more.